The Perils Of War
by pixdog
Summary: After the war Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived, is feeling although he shouldn't of lived. All of those people dead, all because of him. Everyone who was once dear to him, gone. He tries not to show it but one person already knows whats wrong.


Only a week had passed since the War of Hogwarts. Hermione had gone to Australia to collect her parents and return them to their normal lives. Harry had returned to the burrow with the Weasley's. Even though he had successfully defeated Voldemort, he was not happy.

Everyone up and down the countryside had been celebrating the fall of the Dark Lord but not Harry. To him it was a loss not a win. Yes he had conquered Voldemort but he had lost so much more. The death of Tonks, Remus and Fred was a price that he did not want to pay. The cost was too high.

How could he have lead them to their slaughter? He should have done something. But what? What else could he have done? Maybe there was another way. No, there was only one way, Voldemort had seen to that. These thoughts had been playing over and over inside his head for days.

He had isolated himself from everyone, preferring to stay in Ron's room alone. The seclusion was making his mind play tricks on him. At one point he started thinking that he had a curse upon him not unlike the one on the Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Everyone he seemed to love like family seemed to die a violent death. Was he cursed? Would anyone he loved be handed a death sentence? Was he destined to be alone for the rest of his life? No, that was stupid. He loved the Weasley's like family... But Fred died. Well, he loved Hermione like a sister and Ron like a brother and they're both okay.

His heart was empty except for the pain. He was lying on his camp bed, staring up at the ceiling. A tear rolled down the side of his face, soaking into his hair. The memory of Mrs. Weasley, crying hysterically over Fred's casket, kept creeping into his head. Her suffering was partially his fault, if not all. If he would have told Neville no, then he wouldn't have summoned everyone else and Fred would still be alive. Harry was so ashamed. After the funeral, he couldn't look anyone in the eye. He just retreated to his room where he stayed.

Ginny had come to her wits end. She was still mourning the loss of her brother and the only person that she ever considered to be an adopted sister, besides Hermione. Harry had been so withdrawn that it was almost like she was in mourning for him too. Her heart was weeping for him. She knew that he was in pain and she didn't know how to help him. Does he need space? Does he need her to come to him, to comfort him? What was she supposed to do? She was completely lost.

She knew that he was suffering but so was she. She hadn't told anyone that she was with Tonks and Lupin when they died. No one knew that Lupin was hit by a killing curse that had been aimed at Tonks. He had leapt into the path of the spell to save the woman that he loved. Tonks screamed, threw herself over his lifeless body and was hit by a second curse. The scream was burned into Ginny's memory. She had never heard anything so terrifying. The sound of that scream would be with her for the rest of her life. Harry would never know this. He already blamed himself and no good could come from telling him.

What was she going to do? Maybe, if she knew what he had been doing those many months and what happened in the forest, she would understand. She asked Ron but he wouldn't tell her, 'Harry asked us not to talk about it' was all he would say. The pain of loss was ripping at her heart, compounded by the worry of Harry's well-being.

She had come to a decision. Giving him his space wasn't working. She was going to quietly slip upstairs and see if she could comfort him.

The Burrow was quiet as she stepped out onto the landing in front of her room. The usual happy and joyous sounds that had filled the house for as long as Ginny could remember, were gone. The house, itself, seemed sad.

She tiptoed upstairs, trying to think of what she was going to say to Harry. She didn't want to push him into talking about anything that he wasn't ready to talk about. She would just offer to listen and hope that he would let her into his heart.

She was standing in front of Ron's door. Lightly, she knocked on the door, turned the knob and peeked her head inside. Harry was sitting on the edge on his bed, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Um...Harry, can I come in?" she asked with apprehension.

He did not answer or even look up at her. She slipped in the door and closed it behind her. Cautiously, she approached the bed. As she came closer, she saw something fall to the floor. She realized that it was a tear falling from Harry's eyes.

"Oh, Harry," she breathed.

Her heart ached for him. Harry reached out one trembling hand and pulled her in between his knee's. He wrapped both arms around her waist, buried his head in her stomach and completely broke down. She placed her hands on the back of his head and stroked his hair. She knew his pain all too well, she felt it too.

A lump caught in her throat and her eyes began to water. She wanted to be strong for him but the emotional pain washed over her and she began to weep. Her tears fell, soaking his hair, as his soaked the front of her shirt. The needed to speak no words, their hearts were talking to each other, sharing their grief.

They stayed like this for a while, not caring how long. Finally, Ginny wiped her eyes and Harry pulled away.

"Ginny, I'm so sorry. I just needed..." Harry sniffled.

"Don't apologize Harry. I know how you feel because I feel the same way," she replied.

"No... No you don't know how I feel," he said, shaking his head.

"Well then tell me how you feel," she retorted, slightly annoyed.

"I-I cant, not yet," he sighed.

She sat down on the bed beside him and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Its okay, when you are ready, I will be here to listen. I will always be here for you whenever you need me," she whispered.

He turned to look at her and she saw it in his eyes. His beautiful green eyes were dark and empty. The usual spark had faded. Only sadness filled them now. He reached up and wiped away a single tear that had escaped her eye. He gave her a weak smile.

"Do you know how much I've missed you?" he asked.

"Actually, I do," she smiled back.

He pulled her closer to him and they embraced again, reveling in the physical contact.

"OI," Ron yelled.

Harry and Ginny broke apart and saw Ron standing in the doorway. Ron already looked angry as he looked at Ginny. When he saw her swollen red eyes, he looked murderous.

"What the hell have you done to her now!?" he shouted, turning red in the face.

Harry's jaw dropped as he looked from Ron to Ginny and back to Ron, who pulled his wand and started towards them. Ginny jumped up and stepped between them.

"Ron, no, it's not what you think!" she exclaimed, placing her hands on his chest, stopping him.

"Really!? What is it then!?" Ron shouted, aiming his wand over Ginny's shoulder.

"I was upset and Harry was just trying to make me feel better," she replied.

"Are you sure?" he asked, eying her suspiciously.

"Yes, Ron, Harry was helping me," she replied.

He looked her in the eye and slowly lowered his wand. His color was turning back to normal.

"You know, you really shouldn't jump to conclusions," she scolded, waving her finger at him.

"Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly.

"So, what did you want anyway?" Ginny asked, wondering why he had come up.

"Oh, Mum says dinner will be ready in about an hour," he said.

"Okay, we'll be there," she said as she ushered him out the door.

She closed the door on a stuttering Ron and turned back to Harry. Harry stood up and walked over to the window.

"Harry?" she muttered.

He did not answer but raised his hand. She walked over and took his hand in hers. He pulled her to him and she wrapped her arms around his waist. He let out a deep sigh and placed his arms around her shoulders. They did not speak, no words could express what they were feeling. The others presence alone, was enough. They just stood there, looking out the window, listening to each others breathing. The pain was subsiding.

"So does this mean that we are back together?" she asked.

She heard his heart skip a beat.

He was worried. What if he did have a curse on him? Would she be in danger if they got back together? Maybe that was a stupid thought but how could he be sure? He wasn't going to take that chance. If it meant that he would have to be alone for the rest of his life, it would be worth it. Her safety was more important to him than his happiness.

"Look, Ginny. I don't know if that is such a good idea. I mean, everyone that I love seems to die and I don't want anything to happen to you," he replied in a sad tone.

Suddenly, she pulled out of his grasp and looked up at him with fire in her eyes.

"What!? That is the stupidest thing that I have ever heard. Do you love me?" she shouted.

"Yes, but..."

"Did you love me after we broke up?"

"Yes, but..."

"Did you love me during the Battle at Hogworts?"

"Yes, but..."

"And nothing happened to me, right?"

"No, but..."

"You still love me and I didn't die. I'm standing right here in front of you, very much alive. You say that everyone you love dies. Well, that had nothing to do with you. You didn't kill them," she yelled.

"Didn't I? Am I not responsible for them dying? If, in my forth year, I wouldn't have insisted that Cedric take the Triwizard cup with me, he wouldn't have died. If it wasn't for me, Sirius wouldn't have come to the Department of Mysteries and he would still be alive. If Moody wouldn't have come to get me then he wouldn't have did. If I wouldn't have said Voldemort's' name, which I knew was taboo, then Dobby wouldn't have had to come and rescue me and he wouldn't have died. And if I would have told Neville not to help then he wouldn't have summoned everyone and Remus, Tonks and Fred would still be alive. Don't you see? I am responsible for all of them dying. It is my fault!" he said, tears streaming from his eyes again.

"I take it back. That was the stupidest thing that I have ever heard. If, if, if... If frog's had wings then they wouldnt bump their bum when they hop," she said impatiently.

"If V-Voldemort was an angel then none of this would have happened but he wasn't. He was evil and all of the deaths were because of him not you. Cedric died because of Voldemort. You didn't know that the cup was a Portkey. You didn't even want to be in the tournament but he forced you into it. It was because of him. He made you think that Sirius was in trouble so you had to go and try to save him. Dobby, you saved him from a life of abuse and in a way saved his life. He was so grateful that he just returned the favor. He was happy, Harry, and he would have done anything for you. Not because he had to but because he wanted to.

Moody knew the risk and was ready to do anything to protect you. It would have been just as easy for him to just flee like Mundungus but we both know that Moody wasn't that type of person. And as for Remus, Tonks and Fred, they all knew the risk. They would not stand idly by and let Voldemort take over any more than you would Harry, everyone had a choice. They didn't have to do what they did. They could have just locked themselves up in their houses until it was over but we both know that they never would. War is a terrible thing and people are going to die but it is an honorable death.

Do not dishonor them by blaming yourself for their sacrifice. Do you really think that any of them would have blamed you? Would you have done anything less for them? No, you wouldn't because you feel the same way as they did. It all comes back to choice but not really. For the kind of people that they were, there was no choice. It is not your fault that they died, it is Voldemorts. If he wouldn't have started this Damn war then none of them would have died. So I don't see how you could think that it was your fault," she responded.

He could see the wisdom in her words and maybe she was right. He wouldn't have done anything less than lay down his life for anyone of them. He knew what kind of people they were because he was the same kind. If the roles would have been reversed then he would have come and sacrificed himself for all of them. Voldemort had chosen him and because of this, everything had to play out the way it did. Ginny was right, it had all been because of Voldemort.

He pulled her to him and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her deeply.

"Do you know how wonderful you are?" he asked with a smile.

She flipped her hair over her shoulder, "Of course I do," she said haughtily, reminding him of Fleur.

He couldn't help but laugh. She gave him a holier-than-thou look and burst out laughing too. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of his heart. It was all because of her. How could he have ever thought of going on without her?


End file.
